LBS dealing with WW (part 6)

[Joe2017]

WARNING: This is going to sound very superficial but I can't shake it. It's eating away at me.

XW used to be really skinny. She's very attractive. She never got what I consider to be overweight at all. But she had a few pounds on her when we first met. No big deal. She was was the woman of my dreams.

She had body image issues. So I supported her going and getting fit. I supported her going to the gym as much as she wanted. Then she went wayward, lost the weight, screwed a bunch of dudes. In fact, the OM was her gddamn coach at her gym!!!!! So, me supporting her fitness goals backfired in my face.

She was seriously HOT after the divorce. During her girls gone wild sht... She was smoking hot.

Then she gained the weight back when she hit rock bottom. Now she comes back to me when she is less attractive, and she tells me she hates how she looks.

I don't care about her weight at all. I loved her the most when she was the heaviest she's ever been in her life. Our M was very fulfilling back then and I didn't care about her weight at all.

Now I feel like she only came back to me because she feels unattractive, yet knew I was someone who accepted her regardless of her body.

But it makes me feel like -- at least physically -- she gave her best to everyone else instead of me. And now I get leftovers?

Yeah, that's super shallow. Trust me I know. I am not actually that superficial, but I can't help this feeling that I'm settling for my XW. This is NOT about her appearance as much as it is the idea that she worked her ass off to give her ass to other dudes. And now she's probably never going to get to that level physically again.

I really just feel like I'm settling for XW... not only emotionally and relationally, but now physically as well. Judge me if you like, but I feel like I've gotten the short end of the stick throughout this entire relationship.

I have never ever thought this way about my wife before, but now I do. It worries me how shallow this feels. I feel like a damn male chauvinist pig for having these feelings,

I don't know what's wrong with me.