Whirlwind of Hurt 7

[Twofeet]

Oh and I found a comment under a blog about MLC that I want to share.

MLC is very real. I had it happen to me. When I found a network of men (over 1200) who all had it happen to them, I found an uncanny similarity to their ex’s and mine, down to the things they said. It was like a textbook and all of these women followed it precisely. PRECISELY!

I did much research on MLC and found very simply that it occurs in people who think people outside of themselves make them happy. It comes from a childhood where the world is taken care of for you. Where you are emotionally immature and unsophisticated. You are taught that life is about performance but given nothing inside as resources to deal with life. It has little to do with hormones but does have a lot to do with a certain type of childhood as the foundation (I’ve interviewed hundreds of other men and all our ex’s are exactly the same upbringing) and a sudden change in life later in life (death of close relative, major move, etc) between the ages of 35-42 and 48-53. That change brings about a boredom. But keep in mind that these people live a life where they are easily bored, don’t express their true needs, and are all very codependent. Those that “stand” for them are also very codependent as the utter crap thrown at you when these people think they have met the man of their dreams is unbelievable.

And later he said

I have written quite a bit on various MLC sites on the subject of MLC having done extensive research. I don’t call it a disease. Rather I call it a conditioning. We all wake up one day and wonder what happened to us. How did we waste our lives. What can we use as a crutch to get us to “feel” better. For some it’s a sports car. A motorcycle. Others an affair. Those that can’t work out that this point in life (midlife transition) is about us and only we can fix have a crisis. Everyone has a mid-life transition. Only a certain type have a crisis. As I said, you have to be emotionally immature and unsophisticated to go down that path of crisis.

I remember the day I woke up and suddenly thought I had wasted my life. I somehow thought a motorcycle was going to make me happier. I eventually talked myself out of it and found happiness again. most of us do. Who doesn’t get to point of wanting to leave their spouse.

Life is a cycle. We all remember how good it felt that first time around with our spouses. How tickley feeling felt inside. Eventually that goes away. That is natural part of a relationship. And we cycle from lows to highs for the rest of it. It’s the immature who don’t see that it’s about them when the bad times come to be. Rather they reason in their mind this way:

You don’t make me happy anymore. We used to be happy, but I don’t get that from you anymore. He makes me happy. He gives me that feeling we used to have. So if he makes me happy and you don’t it must be our relationship…

And to that I say, no, it’s you. I can’t make you happy. Only you can.......
Sorry, there is no mystery to MLC. Only terrible hurt and pain as a person destroys their family due to selfishness.

In another post he says

You seem to think only men go through this. Just as many women do it. It is a product of our society but not limited to the US. I attribute it to one key factor, a person who is emotionally immature and unsophisticated, traits that started in childhood.

In the thousands of first hand stories I’ve read (yes thousands) I found one of two situations where women do it. First is where they are in a relationship that started in the very early years of their life. These “teen brides” hit a wall after getting older and since they have no worldly experience when the “I’m in love” moment comes around with another guy they look at their “old” relationship and say wait a minute, he makes me happy but you don’t, so it must be YOU! Of course no one can make you happy. You have to find the happiness in yourself and the world.

The second sitch I didn't post because it didn't apply to me it was more towards a NGS person marrying a fixer upper.

Anyway his description or 1st scenario type of a mlc strongly resembles my sitch. I just didn't think a 35 y/o woman could through a mlc, but in retrospect the signs were there whether you call it a mlc or not. Like I said this is pretty on point to my sitch. Especially, the taken care of part in my W childhood and extending into our MR.