Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

Wow Dawn, you're the educator but I'd give you an "A" for that "paper". All pretty much spot on. Thing is, I feared something like this all along. Then, when we hit December, she had her renewed passport, we had luggage tags and boarding passes from the cruise line, I thought it was all in the bag and I was home free. I always wished I could wait until September or even October 15 to give them a name but they were up my arse June 8th when I saw one of the higher ups. I'm lucky I made it to the third week of August. We had plane tickets 5 days later. Had i been given until October I wonder if wild girl would have even accepted?

Which brings up yet another point. A few hours after I asked wild girl to go and she hesitated then accepted, we were out on my deck talking. She asked "what happens if either of us meets someone?" I assumed it was more a question of what if I met someone - would I replace her? My answer was that she's going. I'm not going to replace her. I know how slow I move and not looking for a big R anyhow I was confident in my answer. I asked her what about you. She said she would feel terrible if she left me hanging or backed out - "very, very terrible, I hate to disappoint people." So we both pretty much agreed neither would do that. It was among the things I was going to bring up to her last night. She beat me to it. It very likely is shellfish on her part - she wants to go on a free cruise! But in the end it appears we both kept our word. I assumed otherwise but it looks like my mind reading was wrong.

I wish none of this happened. It won't be like I was hoping back in summer. I have zero doubt if it was not for the cruise I'd never hang out or date or whatever her again. But for the cruise... I'm sure that's what will happen after we get back. Keep in mind I know and will still see her parents and aunt. I'm sure I'll be friendly like I am with other "exes" but that's all.

I knew what I was dealing with early on - or at least suspected it. As KML confirmed, I was never seeing her as a LTR or girlfriend. It always was what it was. Just because I'm not going to marry her does not mean I can't have fun with her and she's A LOT of fun! People love her. She's knows the bands and the music. And the "benefits" were top level. She clearly didn't use me for $$$ nearly always insisting to pay. In fact when I started to tell her why this was such a problem (before she stopped me) I included how I already had to prepay both of our gratuities - one if the few things not covered and she's already insisting on covering any and all of my expenses. Not sure I'll accept but $$$ is not the issue for her. Losing a cruise may well be but not paying her way and mine. She has some redeeming qualities, she's just broken... Badly broken.