FS, thanks for sharing. Glad to hear that you are seeing some improvement and that he is not avoiding you anymore. I think it's good that your DBing faltered a few times. IMO, this will help in the long term. Whatever happens, I'm sure he will remember these small moments.
I still think that there is great value in you sharing your findings with him and showing him you understand the pain he went through and your share of responsibility. Maybe it's still not the right time for it, but my opinion is that life is too short to never say it to someone you love so much. Even if you never reconcile, I think you owe it to him. Just maybe not yet...
Me:49 XW:41, M:18 years, Kids: S18,S14 BD:JULY 2017, W moved out: DEC 2017 Filed for D: APR 2019, D Final: JULY 2019