Yail - being aware of them means (I hope) that we are half way there to changing them. For me, it is being more considerate, more honest and more vulnerable with people. Of course, I cannot share any of this with my H, but I can actively change how I interact with others. My 180's below (these have been in force for some time now though never ever listed out).
1. I will initiate contact with people I care about - just a quick text every now and then to say "how are you?" 2. I will book lunch or dinner with a friend once a week. During these lunches/dinners I will be present. 3. I will take an interest in people's lives - I will ask people how there night/weekend/holiday etc was and actually listen to their responses. 4. I will smile more, say thank you more (and mean it) and apologise when I do something wrong. 4. I will do things with the children they like doing - instead of just dragging them to various activities and errands that need doing. I will listen to them when they talk. 5. I will be more organised so I can better live in the present and not be constantly running from one thing to another. 6. I will stop allowing my H to send me into a spin. He is not trying to hurt me. He is just trying to get on with his life.
I don't know if any of this will bring my H back. It has helped me a great deal though. I showed him a photo from my NYE party and he said "I am surprised so many people turned up". At first I was offended (but didn't show it) but then realised from his perspective it was a surprise. I have not made an effort with people for a long time, and the changes above, are starting to reflect in the friendship groups I am forming.
