Yes girl, but the rules are for you...to protect yourself. You know that Fly...your H has a long road to his inner self. And it depends on him to get there. Meanwhile you keep DB. And we all know you are a good DBer! Keep going!
(((HUGS)))
Hi Neff - thanks. I know the rules protect me. He can still be hurtful at times and detachment mitigates the emotional impact of his bullets. So I hold on to the rules like a shield. But from time to time, my thoughts go back to what Steve commented once ... how does this any of this bring me closer to my goal? Don't get me wrong - the rules are all I have and I apply them like a shield. Without them I would still be the girl I was when I first joined this community - lost and broken and to paraphrase Davide 'curled up on the floor in the the foetal'.
There is a reason I am a good Dber - it comes naturally to me.
I wonder sometimes if my H has gone through the same process as me. Unless he wants to tell me, I will never know. I suspect, to some level he has. He is not as angry as when he left. I am no longer (always) the architect of all that is wrong with his life. He has set the terms of reference (we are co-parents trying to do the best for our children) and he is trying to be kind within that framework. He says "what are you up to today?" when he comes to pick up the children. He will offer me lifts and ask me if I want to join them on certain family outings. I can see him actively trying to hold his temper in. I can see him start to talk then stop himself. But from time to time I see the old 'controlling' him come out. The one that likes to allocate blame before reviewing the facts - it was "you should be on top of this" (when we BOTH got D9's return date to school wrong - I noticed first) or "why doesn't D12 have any clean socks" (because she doesn't put them in her wash bin). He has not changed. He has not done the work. Until he has, there is no chance for an R.
