You are doing really good with your kids. Keep listening, validating, and hugging them.
I’ve seen you are just listening. You should talk with them also. You do not push your agenda onto them or use them against W - and I know you wouldn’t. You just need to follow their lead.
If kids are saying W is acting like a little girl, you should explore that with them. They are looking for understanding and answers, just like all of us. They need to know why, as a ten year old, so they know they are not at fault.
Use open ended questions, responses, or statements.
Kids: Mom was acting like a little girl.
You: I’ve noticed that sometimes also. Does she do that a lot? Why do you feel she behaving that way? Do you know why she is acting like that? Something like that should get things going.
Just lead the conversation a bit, they will take it where it needs to go. You can and should steer it a bit. You can explain things, you are the parent. Start small and let them digest for a bit. More questions will come from that as well.
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My nephew and niece were 9 & 11 when W dropped the bomb, which was 6 weeks after W, me, sister, BIL, and all the kids spent two weeks vacationing together in beachfront cabin. We were all heartbroken.
The explaination for her moving out, leaving her children, leaving her nephew and niece (9 & 11 year old): What happened to Aunty is difficult to explain, even to adults. You know how you get sick and feel really terrible and you are not yourself, well Aunty’s brain is sick. <Will she get better?> Well this sickness is different than a cold or flu, it takes a long time to get well, sometimes they never get better. <Oh> You could think of it like a broken bone, like when you broke your arm. Except it is her brain, her mind that is broken. <Why?> This just happens sometimes. It is really sad. <Will we ever see her again?> I honestly don’t know. I hope so.
That was the gist of it. You may notice I skirted around the question of why. A direct simple factual statement was sufficient. If they had questioned further I would have explained a bit, as it was I didn’t have to. My sister also gave a similar talk, and we expect further deeper questions as they get older.
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marina, you know you situation best, take whatever is useful and leave the rest.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
