Yeah I get that. I think we all spend a lot of time doing that early on. The problem is once your W goes WAS then so does rational behavior. There is really no predicting what she will say, or even if the talk will happen at all. Like I said before I've seen this happen many times where the LBS is counting down the days and then will pop in the day after only to say the WAS never mentioned it and acted like they didn't know anything about a "big talk".....
....I mean that's what you are up against with a WAS, they may say evil, hateful, horrible, confusing things and then just a few months later not even remember it! Or if they do remember, it seems foreign to them, like they have no idea why they said or did those things. That's the power of the WAS fog. BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY.....
.....Her mind is like a violent storm thrashing about. When she opens her mouth it's like detritus is getting ejected from the storm. You can't make sense of it because there's nothing to make sense out of. Try and grasp that, it is a key point of DB'ing because the sooner you understand it then the easier it is for you to let go, STFU, and focus on just listening and validating.
Oh I’m sure ‘the talk’ will happen.....but who knows what the outcome will be, so why should I even try to predict it? I’ll just make myself miserable, emotionally sick, and not present to her.
I can see what everyone means with the whole ‘BELIEVE NOTHING THEY SAY’ paradigm. Not only could they be lying, they also have no idea what they really want and can’t think straight, so I shouldn’t take what they say at face value.
Admittedly, this is difficult for me overall, but especially difficult in light of the last year or so. I’m just supposed to basically pretend like she’s said nothing.....although her words should have consequences. It is like she doesn’t even remember...or care...I can see how this would seem like it’s a bad dream—not only for me, but also for her.
And that’s been what’s so hard to process, because I have those words rattling around in my head...her talking about not being sure if she still even wants to be married to me, the possibility of a break or an S......and then she talks about what we should do to the place for the kids, looking into seasonal passes for Disneyland, and all sorts of other stuff. Last night, she said to YS “you have everything you need here....Mommy, Daddy, big brother....”
But you’re right....I just need to let go, STFU, listen and validating (and also stand up for myself and our marriage).
