Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

I've been holding off with an update until I had something more significant to report. I wish that was now, but... not yet.

Could those of you who think she's still planning to go be correct? Yes, I guess you could. My gut tells me that's not the case but even to this minute she has not yet officially cancelled! Of course the games - funny I don't think she even knows or thinks she's playing games - continue.

I was promised a telephone call on Wednesday after work. I received a text in the afternoon saying she now had to close and after the holidays she knew she should not get home until nearly 10 PM. I believe this is true given the past. So then it was "I'll call you for sure tonight" that was last night - Thursday night. At about 9:30 I got a text saying "The girls are talking my ear off, as soon as they go to bed I'll call." At 11:15 PM I sent a text "are the girls still up?" At 4:12 AM (Awe is all this keeping you from sleeping?) I got the response "yes the girls were still up and I was really tired." So tired she was up at 4 in the morning! I sent back at like 7:30 AM "I'm sure this is difficult. I'm not looking for an hours-long conversation or confrontation - just a few minutes of your time." She immediately texted back "No, no it's not that at all. I'll call you tonight when I get home. The girls won't be home tonight."

I totally understand her not wanting to talk about this in front of her daughters - nor should she. And right or wrong on my part, I'm so over her the person at this point that it really doesn't matter about whatever "relationship" we had. She's proved she is who I pretty much thought all along. For me now it's about not letting her get away with this scott free. It's almost like how I'd hold an employee accountable. And I am very good at this. A female friend said I'm like leading the lamb to the slaughter. While I won't slaughter her I will tactfully, professionally, and very clearly let her know what an immature BS move all of this has been and how much growing up she has to do. We are not in high school here. At 55 I don't expect to have to deal with crap like this from people. If she tries to play it off as "Oh it's no big deal, I have no problem coming to you and talking" well then why the h@ll did you not tell me this a month or two ago?

The real sad part here is I had very fond memories of this past summer with her. Those too now are beyond tarnished and I'm disgusted I showed her the good time that I did. Had she come to me a month or two ago - I obviously would have been sad, upset and disappointed. But at least then I could have had a chance to find someone else to go - including pursuing one of the other two I've casually dated since then. There were other missed opportunities along the way but in fairness they were closer to 3 months ago.

It's bad enough she would not be going - but why can't I take someone else rather than go alone? Why punish me TWICE? But to "pretend" she is still going - for sure three weeks ago and at least somewhat a week ago.. That is crazy. Unless.... I'm totally under-estimating her yet again and she will tell me tonight - "of course I'm still going, why wouldn't I"? Please understand - this will be the most shocking yet. I don't at all expect it and not sure how I'd even respond if it does happen. Right now I'd say no way, but who knows what she has to say.

Why I do not think she is going is because never in her life has she gone public with a guy - never. Not just me but even the last guy she dated for 2 years was kept quiet publicly. She put up a photo kissing this guy at Christmas. I saw a photo of him and her daughters and he looks so young i honestly thought it was a cousin in his 20s. I've yet to find out how old he is but guessing 10 years younger than her which would be 23 years younger than me. This part just becomes people watching for me at this point.

I'm hopeful we'll have a conversation and once we do I'll report back. I'm scampering to find a replacement but I don't think that is going to happen. Two weeks from right now I'll be in Miami. This is laced with issues that could blow up three different ways but I'll explain that later when I know rather than speculate. For those who don't understand - this cruise, flight and pre-night hotel, was paid for by someone else. I was hired to play with two bands on this cruise in exchange for them buying my and a guest a free cruise and two plane tickets to Miami. So while I am not out money (at least yet) - someone is - and it's not impossible they could come to me and say "we want our $379 back for the flight - pay up."