For real? You are blaming her for not asking you again after you turned her down. She asked you in the first place because she felt you needed it. You decided that you did not, then she respected your answer and she is the one at fault for this interaction?
Look at this real close, burned.
I am, and it's hard. It's a major regret. I recall the incident very clearly. I said, "No, that's only for people who are about to get divorced."
I had no idea how serious she was. The way she asked, it was "Do you think we should do MC?" She never sat me down and said, "I am unhappy in this M and I think if we don't do MC I won't be able to go on." So I misread it, very very badly. I'm ashamed of it. It's yet another of the things she had been telling me and telling me and I hadn't been hearing it. It's easy for me to blame her for not having been assertive enough or clear enough or direct enough, but it's on ME that I didn't care enough or pay enough attention to really sense her intentions.
After BD I told her I regretted that and I told her I wish I had done it. Too late.
But do you see why I wallow in regret? The more I think about things, the more I realize that I really blew it. And why I'm resistant to the idea that she is just in a "fog" and might change her mind. The way I see it, it was a very unhappy relationship for her. I don't really blame her for wanting out, when I really look at it.
B,
Nearly the exact same circumstances were in my sitch leading to BD. WW practically begged for help and I brushed it off, because I thought we would be able to weather the storm a little longer.
I was wrong. And yeah, I do have regrets about not seeing this sooner, I'm sure we all do. And we are here, learning the tools needed to have a successful R/MR, whether it's with our WS or with someone else.
To be honest, I think we needed something as awful as this to truly see our shortcomings as not only a S, but as relatives, friends, employees, etc.
I remember earlier in my sitch when I was told that DBing cannot just be applied to MR, but to all interactions. I lashed out because I had no idea how such a concept could be applied in my life.
I am understand it now. And they were right. DBing is not just for MR. DB is for everything in life that requires interaction.
You need to work on forgiving yourself. Otherwise you are going to have a hard time recovering from this.
