TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

Thanks everyone.

I really don't see my H ever reaching out to me "just to talk". That kind of seems out of character for him even before all this. Not that he hasn't gotten good at surprising me! But I think that's part of the problem, and why I really fear even if he regrets this that he won't tell me. He avoids and buries/internalizes. And I get that that's not the kind of person I want to be with anyway if he hasn't fixed that.

So I guess ultimately if he does reach out to talk, I would take that as a change in itself .. and tread slowly, but definitely at least to see where he's going with it, keeping in mind what to do if it turns into something that's just a temp check vs. an actual meaningful conversation.

I'm interested to see what differences there may be (if any) between temp checks from H's and those from W's.

I do miss him, tons. I am starting to feel like it is more of death, at least for this moment. For example, there's a blanket he used to use that I haven't washed, and I used it the other day and could smell him on it. At first I thought this would be bad bad bad! Wash it away! But it actually didn't both me too much. I was sad about it but not like upset in desperation that I didn't have him close to me. I guess it was a low key acceptance of sorts. Or maybe just a way for me to feel like I still had part of him? That's an interesting thought...

I will try to just keep being mindful of what's bothering me or holding me back and what's not, and if stuff like that starts to mess with my head I will take care of it.

DV, I like to acknowledge that while it's easy for me to give advice to others, I still don't know all the exact details and behaviors that went on in everyone's Rs. We only know what's posted here and what we can read into from that. So I like to think I had valid points, but that element of context is also what makes it difficult for me to apply it to myself... when you take things at face value everything seems pretty simple, but knowing all the nuances of my own sitch, I can justify things a million different directions until I'm just dizzy and don't know which way is up anymore and become thoroughly confused.

I guess this is where it would nice to be the type of person that just has a total zero tolerance for things like cheating and could actually feel good about walking away just for that reason. Sure it makes me feel like a good person to have empathy for what H may be going through and still value him as a person even if he makes mistakes or goes a little crazy, but I know we all put ourselves at a level of risk being that gracious, too. Such a fine balance.

Anyway... about to go do some "me" stuff to prep fro my trip today. Glad I have some things to keep me busy!