two steps forward, three steps back (burned)

[TJT]

L thinks I should stop trying to figure out what her angle is, and be somewhat less terse. Last night I said, "I'll transfer the money after the divorce is final." L thinks I could have said, "It is safer for both of us to do the transfer once there is an order in place."

Oh, and IC says it doesn't matter what she thinks, she'll come back or she won't (sounds familiar, hmm). He says, You're using this as an opportunity to practice doing what's right for you, so that you stop being the kind of person who just says "yes dear" and then resents it forever, thereby making you a better husband for someone else in the future.

Your L and IC are both exactly right (and prove I'm not good at brevity, hah). I would make one adjustment to what your IC said though, in that I don't see where you've been doing the "yes dear" thing... it seems the opposite where you get gnarly and fight when you're angry, and THAT'S what you resent.

Either way, the part about being a better husband in the future - whether it's with your W or with someone else - is the key.

And also, you don't have to live with regret if you learn from it. You will really regret it if you spend too much time wallowing in what you did wrong to where you don't improve and then just repeat history. In the super grand scheme of things, you still have a lot of opportunity to have a great life and be a great husband (there I go again saying things I hate people saying to me, lol).

That being said...sometime you do need to take these things bit by bit and not overwhelm yourself by thinking that far ahead. Keep that perspective in your mind but stay sane by focusing on what you are going to do in the next minute, hour, and day. Do not look out years at a time. You can't plan for that.