Hurt...there are many many people on here who don't understand what happened with their spouse/partner and for many of us we will likely never know what really happened. a big part of healing yourself is acceptance that you may never know what happened, but you can be ok with it and move forward in your life. trust me though as shown in my posts of my thread during the holidays it is a struggle that takes lots of time.
one of the things i've read here that has helped to give me comfort in my sitch was when i read someone say "i know that i did not do anything intentional to harm our relationship and had i known how i could have been better, i would have done so." that is the limit of your control of the relationship. if you can recite those comments to yourself and agree with them, you've done all that you could do.
being clear of your partner (so long as that does not impact your future custody) will be a good thing for your recovery, being able to be a full on father 7 days at a time will focus you and prove incredibly rewarding for your heart and soul AND will help to assuage some of your fears of "can I really do this on my own" and lastly, continued work with your IC and in your time when you don't have your kids will help to make you that better partner for a perhaps future relationship.
all of that puts you in a much better spot than you were. you were dealt a great trauma, but you are starting to find some balance, stability and forward progress for YOU in your sitch. keep going...still early days for you.
