Validation: Sandi and a couple others touched on it, but your validation needs some finesse. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is technically validation, but it's not necessarily good or effective validation. Kudos to you for validating at all, that is much better than pushing her buttons. But I think you're ready for chapter 2! Validating is first seeking to understand her feelings, and second offering affirmations that her feelings are valid. So for example:
- "You always do what you want and I never get to go run or anything!" - "It sounds like you feel I'm ignoring your needs to get out and exercise, is that how you feel?" - "Yes it's very frustrating!" - "So you are frustrated because you feel I'm ignoring you, I can understand why you feel that way, I will work on that."
Just saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" may work at first, but if you just keep saying that no matter what she is saying then it starts to sound dismissive. Your goal is to make her feel like you are really listening to her.
Yeah, the validation part definitely needs some finesse. I’m trying more of the “you know what, you’re right,” or “that’s unfortunate,” or I’m trying to repeat the last thing she said as a question. I’ve basically dropped “sorry you feel that way” for the time being.
