TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

Hmm. Okay, thanks Joe. In my opinion they basically seem bad then, in terms of showing real hope for progress with your spouse, since the drivers (control or plan B) are both negative and not basis for building a healthy relationship again. Although... I guess if they temp check and don't get the response they wanted, it could catalyze them changing their behavior. So you're right then, not good or bad per se, just have to know what to do and see whether it impacts anything or not.

Today was decent. I've been pretty good at putting my H's actions into perspective as if I was a third party, like I just suggested burned do on his thread. I think me doing all the "right" things in terms of not being vindictive and nasty and knowing I'm doing everything I can to save the marriage is paying off at least a little bit, here. It's starting to give me the teeniest peace of mind that no matter what they are doing, they look kinda crazy and stupid while I'm over here surviving and doing the best I can to be loving and committed and as healthy a person as I can possibly be in a time like this. Even when I don't feel good about everything and that none of that matters, I still know it's true. That's the good thing about having integrity!

I've also not given in to checking anything anymore despite all that stuff that sent me into a spiral the other day (I know it's only been probably exactly one full day, maybe two). I've definitely wanted to but I am getting more and more bought-in and committed to building my mental strength through ignorance of his world. I can tell how it does help me detach.

I have felt pretty lonely and purposeless, in general. Just not super "excited" about anything and still wishing I had H here to share things with. But I'm not distraught, and I know I've been here before and have come crashing down again before and I probably will again...but let's see how long I can sail for now

Will be getting ready for my trip on Sunday and we'll see how that impact things! Looking forward to it (again, I wouldn't say "excited" because I do have a healthy dose of anxiety to go with it too).