First, forgive me because I haven't read all your posts; just the first page and your post today.
The only thing you should have lost hope in is that pursuing DOES NOT WORK. In fact, you feel as bad now as you did 7 months ago. That comes across in your post.
You say here that you beg him almost daily. I'm not going to defend a man who walks away from his family but all this is doing is confirming for him that he does right to stay away.
He sounds dreadfully confused / conflicted. We don't know what is causing that and I'm not sure it matters. But the one thing that he thinks he knows for sure is that the M makes him unhappy and that nothing has changed in 7 months. You haven't changed.
Look back at the advice you were given after your first post. if you are pursuing on an almost daily basis then you are not following it.
I can only imagine how difficult this is for you with such small babies. Its flipping hard with grown children. But you need to start DBing with a vengeance because for the sake of your health, you cannot continue like this. If the divorce progresses you need to be strong for yourself and your children. If DB doesn't save your marriage it will help you to be strong.
Give it a go. One day at a time. My suggestion would be no contact tomorrow unless it is absolutely about the children. And then the day after and the day after that. No begging, no pleading, no desperation no matter how much you want to.
Give him space to breathe and sort his sh** out BUT more importantly give yourself space to breathe and gain strength.
Everybody here will support you. Don't tell him how you feel at the moment. Tell us instead if you want.
