Hey Bo, I'm trying to get caught up after my nice, long vacation I just speed read through this thread and will hit a few high points:
First it sounds like you are doing pretty well over all and that your attitude is good, so stick with it!
The pending talk: My first observation is that you are devoting way too much time to all the different scenarios that might come up. This tells me you are far too attached to her. I can't tell you how many times an LBS has come here freaking out because their WAS "wants to have a talk this Friday" and they spend days guessing what she's going to say and what their response will be, and then the Big Day comes and guess what, the WAS seemingly forgets she ever suggested a talk. You just have one goal- remove all pressure. You are kind of trying but you are kind of sabotaging yourself too. I think you're finding reasons to be all up in her business and pretending you have to do it. Just leave her alone! She wants time and space, give it to her. When you can effectively remove all pressure then the R talks completely stop as does any talk of S or D. We've seen it happen over and over again. Even if you do have the talk, just keep in mind it is only a reflection of how she feels at that moment in time. She may say "we're done, it's over, I'm moving on" and then a few months later she's begging to recon. Even the most serious talk is just a reflection of her fleeting feelings, so don't agree/disagree just nod and validate.
Validation: Sandi and a couple others touched on it, but your validation needs some finesse. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is technically validation, but it's not necessarily good or effective validation. Kudos to you for validating at all, that is much better than pushing her buttons. But I think you're ready for chapter 2! Validating is first seeking to understand her feelings, and second offering affirmations that her feelings are valid. So for example:
- "You always do what you want and I never get to go run or anything!" - "It sounds like you feel I'm ignoring your needs to get out and exercise, is that how you feel?" - "Yes it's very frustrating!" - "So you are frustrated because you feel I'm ignoring you, I can understand why you feel that way, I will work on that."
Just saying "I'm sorry you feel that way" may work at first, but if you just keep saying that no matter what she is saying then it starts to sound dismissive. Your goal is to make her feel like you are really listening to her.
You commented on the butterfly S/U's helping your back and yes you are quite right, they work your core much more then if you hook your feet under something (those type work your quads a lot more). If and when you join a gym then try GHD situps (in a rig), they work wonders for your lower back/ core strength too.
I just speed read through this thread and will hit a few high points: