Affair discovered 3

[STH17]

Every day I can't see my son in person, I've been texting W to ask to talk to my son. To me it is a way to try to maintain connection with my son while we are separated. Son is not always interested in talking. Sometimes it is a 30 second conversation. That was hard for me earlier in the separation, but I have gotten more used to it now and just let it go and continue on with my day when I don't get to speak with him.

A few months ago W told me she was upset that I just started asking to talk to him every day. I was asking to talk every day at 7pm. I thought consistency would be good and better than randomly interrupting at a different time every day. I think she asked me then to set up a time with son so that he would be more willing to talk to me. So that's what I did, even though I knew that to make plans with a 4yo for the next three days of phone contact was not really practical. He doesn't understand time that well. Yes I can make a plan and fulfill a commitment to contact him at an agreed upon time, but I don't know that he understands what we are agreeing to. Now W says I'm being disrespectful making plans with son when it is her phone he is talking to me on.

I felt angry when she told me this (by text). I have not responded but plan to during my lunch break. I will text since W has anxiety talking to me on the phone.

Am I really being disrespectful? Does that matter? Am I just supposed to validate her feeling disrespected regardless?

I could respond "I hear you are feeling disrespected. Can we talk about this to reach a better arrangement? I am not asking you to force son to talk to me. I am asking you to facilitate a relationship between our son and his father."

She may also be feeling disrespected by a couple days ago when I did not make plans with her for dropping off son with her until the day of (she texted me twice an hour apart because I didn't see the first one, away from my phone). But that's speculation on my part.

My basic want is to have daily contact with my son. I understand son may turn down that contact some days, but I do not believe that should stop me from reaching out to him every day.