I'm getting a better understanding of why I needed to be broken.
pain18 needed to be broken and torn down. Phoenix9 is the cleaning up the rubble and rebuilding. Both are based on the same foundation (warmth, morals, humor, caring, etc.).
Except the rebuild comes with the knowledge of NOT cutting corners, inferior materials (bad advice, etc.), or occupying it too quickly.
I am working hard on the cutting corners part since that was a very bad habit of mine. So far, so good but there are days in which I still catch myself doing so.
I am getting the advice I need from good sources and applying them in my life.
I still am trying to rush things though or looking for ways to "validate" myself (casual dating and sex...nothing has happened so far). There are other ways to get validation but I should not care. I need to validate myself. Others can do what they want. If they like me, great. If not, their loss. This existing thought process all falls under my NGS and I am happy that I can at least recognize it.
