[BrightFuture]

Grace21, I’ve read your recent posts and I think you are doing OK. I was in compete denial for the first 6 to 8 months. It is interesting that my H said the same thing as your H to our mutual friends shortly after the BD, that he cannot "give me what I deserve", which to my opinion is a reflection of his own issues.

Yes, my H has been hardly showing any progress. Like job said multiple times, he is a very slow MLCer.

I can’t say that I’m making this separation work. I’m not even sure what it is at this point. H refers to me as his Ex. I used to say “my estranged H”, but now I also mention him as an Ex. H is not religious, so the marriage to him is probably just a piece of paper. Never mind the vows and commitments. I’m sure he believes that because he announced to me that he doesn’t want to be married to me any longer is good enough. He thinks it is going to work for him and being legally married is not going to stop him from dating. I know that most of the decent women would not want to date a guy who is not D’d yet. I personally would not. Not sure if this subject even came up for him yet, like I said I don’t have any evidence of any OW.

As for me, I’m not on the dating market yet. This is one of the questions that I constantly get from my friends and acquaintances. It gets old… I don’t feel like I need to date. I’m perfectly fine where I am at the moment. Like it is repeated many times on this board, you are given a gift of time… And I did take the time to deal with my childhood issues (which did contribute to my marriage demise) and improve myself.
I purged a lot of believes and habits that were holding me back. I “dropped” the wall around me that I built growing up. I feel like I am finally the person I meant to be. I don’t need a man to validate me, I feel pretty good about myself. Eventually, I think, I would like a companion to share my life with, but, I would also be ok on my own.

If I would get into a serious relationship with someone, I would for sure pursue a D with H. Until then, I still want H to initiate the process and be responsible for that.

I had these people too, who asked me how long I was going to let it go. Heck, it was also my family, my sister and her H. I also lost a longtime friend over this. She eventually came back, but it is not the same anymore. My family is no longer questioning me thought, they see that I’m doing quite well. They actually feel sorry for my H now, LOL.

Hang in there, Grace21. It will get better.