TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[Joe2017]

Well, it depends on the context of the temp check. They are gauging your status, regardless.

In my experience temp checks fall into two categories:
- Are they still emotionally attached to me? (control)
- Are they available to me? (plan B)

You are probably best served by disregarding both. I went extreme NC during my D. I think my ratio was like 10:1 text messages, with responses only being about business and kids. The control temp checks eventually died off when she never got a response to the temp check or the ensuing hate messages.

About 6 months after the D was final I started getting the plan b temp checks. She was trying to see if I was an option. These coincided with times in which she was realizing that OM was a mistake. One time it was when she decided to cheat on OM to try and force him out of her life. Can you imagine what hell it would have caused me if I had fallen for that????!!? I also ignored all of these plan b checks (the toaster oven story was a plan b temp check).

I never responded until she sent me an apology, 100% unsolicited, with no guarantee that I would accept the apology. Seriously, I ingored her for nearly an entire year. An "I'm sorry." by itself was not going to cut it.

So are temp checks good? They're not good or bad. You just have to know what they are and what the intent behind them is, as well as how you should respond (or not).