Gordie 22 eight months after she dropped the D

[bttrfly]

Merry Christmas Gordie. I am happy for the progress in your sitch.

PLEASE work hard to keep your expectations at ZERO despite current events.

Don't change anything that you've been doing, regardless of temptations.

I realize I might sound like a bit of a downer but I strongly feel you need to keep things at Zero right now. Cali - where are you bud?

[neffer]

Glad to read what you wrote G!

My best wishes for you and your family. Happy 2019 Gordie.

[ovrrnbw]

Gordie,

just wanted to say hello. Sex is nice, especially after a long drought. You are still one of my favorite DB'ers, very patient and kind.

Happy New Year to you...

[Gordie]

Oneart

You hit the nail on the head

I totally feel like I am in uncharted territory

I love the MWD books but they do not really address this space

So many success stories proclaiming their marriages are better than ever

But I think posters like Blu are more like what I think I will experience

A much longer road with a lot of twists and turns both good and bad

And yes Blue and others built a new marriage

But maybe not better than ever

So yes defenses are still up

Thank you for the compliment

I do not think of myself as a courageous person

I am a stubborn person

And now a more patient person

And one more but still not fully comfortable with uncertainty

And like you guys told me long ago

I am stronger than I thought



Gerda

I love beautiful churches

And I am thankful for your prayers

Surrender and patience do not come easily to me

But I was forced to get there against my will



These are my prayers

Thy will be done

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us

Do not judge

Fear not

[Gordie]

Neffer and Over thank you for the wishes and happy new year to you too



Butterfly

You are never a downer

You are a wise and protective sister like Oneart

You know w is still baking

And you do not want to see me get hurt again

Really hard to keep expectations at zero

I think you sense that which is why you said it

I will keep trying to stay the path



Journaling

We had a family NYE celebration

All of us together having fun

D is still angry with W and W wants me to help

W has said she wants me to do some things I used to do like open doors for her

W says she wants us to improve our communication

But I need to tread carefully

W only wants to be heard and validated

When she asks my opinion and it is different than her own

She gets cold and ends the conversation

W wants me to accept her new religious beliefs

She knows I do not share them but wants me to accept them

W slept in my bed last night

No touching but there she was

[SBJ]

Gord, I'm not gonna lie when I say that I am a bit jealous of the progress you and your w have made, but I do understand that it isn't the end of the journey. You have definitely grown thru this process and it has made you better for it. Continue to lean into God and thank Him for all of your blessings...and they are many.

As we have seen in all of the "success" stories...everyone of them is totally different. The one thing that they do have in common is that the patience and perseverance of the stander is tested to the end. You have done and are doing the right thing for you and your family. I am proud to be walking on this journey with you my friend.

Happy New Year!!! May 2019 be the year of reconciliation for all of us here!

[Gordie]

SBJ

Thank you for your honestly

I understand about being a bit jealous

I have felt the same when reading certain others

I continue because it helps me

And still have so much to learn from all of you

And I hope it helps others too



So my New Year’s resolutions

To be less fearful

To be less judgmental

To give more words of affirmation to those around me

To be more patient

To work fewer hours

To sleep more and better

To trust God with my future

[OneArt]

I suppose someone could view these things as frustrating, but maybe, in her own way, she is figuring out that she needs to better communicate her wants, needs, and expectations and that would be a good thing. Forward progress, inch by inch. You are getting there. Just don't forget about your own wants, needs, and expectations in the process.

[DnJ]

Hello Gordie

Those are excellent resolutions. Ah, to work fewer hours - that would indeed be nice. And nothing like sleeping more and better.

I like your plan to give more words of affirmation to those around you. I am guessing your love language is most likely that or a variant of Words of Affirmation. (Also guessing you read The 5 love languages)

Do you know what W’s love language is? Did it change? With her request for you to do things you used to do, like open doors and such, perhaps it is Acts of Service.

Might be a good idea to learn her language. Is she “speaking” it to you? Are you seeing it? Ensure you are showing your feelings for her in a manner she speaks and will recognize.

I know it is not fair, having to meet her beyound half way. She is still healing, scared, and unsure. The bulk of this still falls on you. The LBS is stable and more healed, and therefore can and does more than 50 percent of the required work.

Learn and speak her language. Fill her tank once again.

DnJ

[Gordie]

Oneart

Yes I do think she is trying to communicate more of her wants

And I am thinking about my own wants and needs



DNJ

Yes one of her LL is words of affirmation

But I am having a hard time giving them to her

I am having a hard time giving myself more fully to her



Journaling

On a day to day basis things are much better

But deep down I still have lingering feelings of anger and betrayal

I still feel used

We should be able to overcome this

But I don’t know how we do

When we still can’t even talk about anything

Praying and digging for more patience