Maybe just turn your notifications off so things like that just don’t appear out of the blue?
I don’t know if the goal is to detach so that he is not affecting you at all. I think the goal is to detach so his actions don’t affect you to the point that it throws you into a totally different mood or mindset. I’m not sure I will ever get to a point where I am not affected at all by what my H does. But I do think I will get to a point where it will just be a blip in my day that I get over quickly. The good news in your sitch, and you may not feel this way now but maybe later, is that because you don’t have kids, you only know what he is doing if you go out of your way to find out. My kids want to tell me things about their dad. I don’t discourage them because I don’t want them to feel like they have to keep secrets or think about what they say to me. Most of the things they talk about are pretty benign but every once in awhile, they will make a comment that really stings. I don’t show it though and it is a lot easier to do that these days than it was a month or two ago. My advice to you... do not go out of your way to find out what your H is doing or make up scenarios in your mind. The times I have allowed my thoughts to go down that path have been incredibly painful and unproductive. It is a cheeseless tunnel.
Also...don’t think of it as being committed to wanting a life without your H. I’m not thinking of it in those terms. I am thinking of it as being committed to having a life...full stop. Whether or not that life includes a significant other, my H or someone else, remains to be seen. For now I just want a life with me and my kids and the people who want to be around me.
And you don’t want him anymore TJT... at least not this version of him. That’s a no brainer. That person is a cheater and a liar and is not worthy of you. Harsh, I know, but it’s the truth. Take the focus off of him and put it back onto you. You deserve much, much better. (((HUGS)))
