Milestones of Moving On (?)

[TJT]

DV & Joe - I just don't know why things like this have to be in trickles. I think I'd be better off if he told me he was having an A, left, and filed for D all in the same day than how it's been happening.

First he just doesn't want to be with me for his BS reasons. Then he doesn't tell anyone (i.e. his son, parents) even though he's adamant with me that it's what he wants. Then I find A. Then I have to kick him out because he's not really doing the work to find a place on his own. Then he has OW move in. All the while he still doesn't file for D.

As long as I am choosing to stand, it seems I am choosing to put myself through this long process of grief as he slowly moves along trying to make his life work, vs. me choosing I just don't want him where then I would be able to take all the action.

DV, I have been avoiding SM up to this point but I didn't really consider Pinterest to be that much of SM. I was using it as my own form of inspiration and distraction and the notification about my H just happened to pop up today. To my knowledge before today, he hadn't used it in almost 6 months.

It's also somewhat difficult that I CAN'T use SM for my own purposes, because that's how I share a lot of things with friends and distant family. There are people I have definitely just started to engage with directly through texting and stuff, but there are some people I'm not really on "that" level with, but that would be nice to still share and get recognition from when I'm doing things in my life. I've considered picking back up using SM for whatever I personally want it to, without H involved, but I'm just not sure what the negatives might be to that so a little scared.

I did also consider that it's only been a few months. I just watched something that said limerance typically lasts between 18 mos - 3 years so yeah, I know it could be a loooot longer that I'm standing here, if I choose to. But 1-3 years of constantly getting stabbed in the heart? I MIGHT have 1 in me, depending how that goes.

I know I know, detach so none of it matters. I'm pretty pessimistic about my actual ability to do that though. I think if I am forced to (like we actually D and/or H goes public with OW and there's no more of this limbo going on) I would be able to lovingly detach.

In the meantime, I feel like the process of detaching can only progress if I'm actually committed to not wanting to have a life with H. Even though I know you can still have feelings for your spouse or be open to recon even after detaching, for me it seems like it would have to be a point of no return to detach to the point where he's not affecting me anymore. Because I don't know how else to detach other than convincing myself I really don't want him anymore.

I don't know, it's late again and I don't feel like I'm thinking clearly anymore. Maybe the holiday break was bad for me and I just need to get back to the monotony of the daily grind. I'll try to take some time and report back later.