Hi all -
Well, H and S12 are back from Vietnam, they had a fabulous trip. H's new laptop arrived today and we all know that means I get his old one I am enjoying having H back, but nust admit, I really enjoyed him being gone too. Some of it is my innate introvert nature - I like my alone time - but I had a realization this last week that it wasn't really about that.

No, this time I think it was about the fact that I really enjoyed the break from H's negative energy. Don't get me wrong, my H has been and continues to be extremely loving to me. But his issues with people at work and his simmering resentments and his angst and his anxieties about various things - I realized how much energy I expend reacting to him still. It's exhausting! And it's really MY issue, because he's not asking me to soak up so much of his stuff, I just have trouble not letting it affect me - and it does affect me, keeps me from relaxing, keeps me from focusing on my interests, etc. It was so relaxing, to have a week of doing things on MY timetable, of focusing on my stuff. So I guess the challenge for me is to figure out how to maintain that now that he's back and not let myself sponge up all of his negative energies.

I did make a babystep in this regard as he was preparing for this trip, though. Even though he had scheduled himself off the day before departure, he ended up filling all that available time with an overnite trip with S12 and I to see some good friends (D13 and S17 had other commitments). Then he stretched out his errands on the day of departure until it was an hour before the car service was supposed to pick him up and he still hadn't packed his clothes. THEN he tells me he's going to run down the hill to the grocery store where S17 works and say goodbye to him before he packs!!!!! I finally put my foot down and said "look, you're really making me anxious here! Please, I really need you to finish your packing first and THEN if you have time you can go say goodbye to S17".

I know this sounds controlling, but it is actually a 180 for me to tell him he is affecting me and making me anxious by his behavior. The old me wouldn't have said anything and would have been more and more anxious and he would have been late and I would have been in a crummy mood as he was leaving. This way I was able to simply state that his behavior was making me uncomfortable, and he knew in his heart that I was right. So he packed first (more quickly than he would have otherwise) and still had 10 minutes to say goodbye to S17.

It's funny, really, because I always thought of my H as the more organized one by far, but as I get better organized myself, I see more of his disorganized habits.

D13 is doing so fabulously we actually forgot her psychologist appointment today! And when her therapist called and said she could talk to her on the phone instead - D said she really didn't need to talk to her! This, from my D who loves her therapist and who just a month ago was panicky at the thought of cutting back from weekly sessions to once every two weeks

Well, I'm off to do some more cleaning before H gets home tonight - he's working this evening and I want things to be nice for him when he does get home

Ellie