Milestones of Moving On (?)

[TJT]

I don't want you waking up tomorrow and thinking that this entire day was a waste, or negative, or backsliding. It wasn't. It was ONE moment of your day.

Thank you, Yail. This is a good perspective for me, that despite how I feel at this moment I have still made progress. I just hate how bad the bads still feel. I'm okay with feeling bad even twice as often if it just didn't feel THIS bad.

You're making assumptions based on how you feel in this moment. You have no idea what the next few years will look like and I don't want this to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It will be hard, but you are not doomed to wallow is sadness forever.

Thank you again, Yail.

I had a big cry. I ended up not having the energy for the bath ritual so I just brushed my teeth and washed my face, while crying of course. Still amazed at how huge my tears are these days. Never had tears like this in my life before this.

Then I noticed my adorable dog laying on the bed had a little piece of grass in her eye, because she's a silly goose and has to roll around outside sometimes. She's also really cool in that she knows when you're trying to help her or investigate something and she will stay pretty still...and then once you're done she gets really excited like she's thanking you for taking care of her.

So that made me happy, and I just have to really try not to think of her in the context of H, since me and H got her together and sometimes it still makes me sad that we're not ALL together. We were a family. I try to take moments like that and reframe it as me and the dog's new life, where I try to be better for her, too.