Your H has power over you because you are still grieving the loss of him. This is a process. There is no way to get past the pain...you have to go through it. It isn’t fair and it hurts like h3ll but there is no other way. If your H turns around TJT, it is not going to be a month or two from now. The A has to run its course first. And that is IF he turns around. You can’t count on him doing that otherwise you will still be in this place a year from now. You have to move forward and live your life as if he isn’t coming back. If he does, then you will have some choices to make at that time. But if he doesn’t, you will be okay too. That’s the great thing about DBing and GAL... you win either way.
I know you want to have a connection to your H right now but honestly, I think you should not wait for him to remove you from things. I think you should either remove him yourself or just stay off SM altogether. Not forever...just until you are feeling stronger and less vulnerable. Checking up on him and OW really is a form of self-torture. I avoid SM like the plague. I’ve probably spent about 10 minutes total on it since the summer...maybe even less. I don’t miss it.
Anyway...don’t want to come off as harsh. I totally understand where you are coming from. I know how difficult this is but you have to do the things that are going to help you move on even though part of you really doesn’t want to. Fake it until you make it...and you WILL make it. I promise. There is a GREAT life out there for you. BELIEVE IT!!! Make it happen!! (((HUGS)))
