Milestones of Moving On (?)

[TJT]

Well that went to sh!t quickly.

I was just on Pinterest, minding my own business, fa real, and saw a notification (like you do with anyone) that my H just followed OW on Pinterest. Of course she's now following him back.

And he's no longer following me. Because, of course, all of our collaborative pins/boards about our wedding, our house, and everything we shared in our life together doesn't make sense anymore.

This hurts WAY more than it should at this point and a good day has turned pretty terrible. All the thoughts of H maybe turning around seem like I'm just lying to myself as he's clearly enjoying every minute of being with OW.

I just don't want to care anymore and I don't know how not to. I don't know why my H has so much power over me. I'm trying, I really am, but I just know that the minute he starts removing me from other things I'm probably not gonna be over it and this process is just gonna be drawn out for like the next few years of my life, at least.

The only thing that helps me is to make up more lies for myself. For example, yeah, I have been pinning stuff to do with the house in the board I had created with us both on it. I mean I wasn't gonna create a new one just for myself and have to start over, and I wasn't about to kick him off myself. So okay, maybe he was getting notifications about that, and maybe OW is super snoopy and like checks his e-mail or something and saw he was still following me and maybe demanded (ok, even just nicely asked) him to stop?? I DO have evidence from her XBF that they used to track each other's locations on their phones... which is not something H and I EVER did.

I just need a reason for this not to be real. Life is so stupid.