Finding the Balance then Tipping the Scale (TWO)

[Adam04]

Joejoe and burned, both your messages say to me to keep a watchful eye out, and to look for consistency. It’s important both ways.

JoeJoe, is this too rigid of a list: admitting to the Affair, then re-establishing communication, willingness from WW to commit(no more d talk, counseling, what else?), then remorse?

I think it helps me to compartmentalize things like the MWD 3 stages , crisis, reinvention, commitment. I think within the crisis stage , also considering what Sandi has said, there’s a lot of requirements on both sides before there is a willingness to reach stage 2. I think most of it hinges on her being earnest and remorseful. It’ll be up to me to determine how I perceive this, if it’s from guilt or genuine remorse for hurting me and the family. For her, I’d also need to give her time, gain her respect back, and also show some consistency.

I’ll go back and read Sandi’s posts about words, actions, an behaviors have to all match in my first thread.

Per MWD, I’m in this crisis bubble, if you will... and I feel within this bubble, there are several smaller bubbles I have to go through, like connecting the dots so that this bubble is “whole” again. I see gain respect, give time and space, re-establish communication(first step to that is validation), and the spouse has to be willing. I can unpack that into a lot. The reasons the spouse is willing, from my 180s, detachment, to her own realizations and remorse.

Burned there are things I am doing or “not” doing that are 180s. Snooping, that stopped early. 180. Not pursuing, 180. Not being Mr Right, 180. The passive aggressive, working on that... this is one of those where I think it will just have to come in time by acknowledging when it happens and trying to prevent it further down the road. Most again are mental , trying to be in the right frame of mind and being okay with who I am, actually knowing who I am.