Brave Little Gerda, So Chilled She Could Not Speak

[Gerda]

Ah ha, now I understand what you are both saying. What you are advising is about my detachment, not the car or what is just.

And let me say first that it means so much tome that you are both taking so much time to try to help me. I really really appreciate the advice and it's really helpful.

Finally, DnJ, it was really comforting to have you say he is bullying me. That was what I felt and it is much less lonely to get bullied when a nice friend standing at the edge of the playground is there to say, "Hey, that's not fair!"

I left out part of the exchange though. My first attempt was more like what you have advised, Job. I left that out because it got no response beyond his departure.

So I am still wondering one thing. I now understand what you were saying about how to detach from expectation and deal with him as a spoiled brat, etc. That is all about what he will do.

What I still don't understand is the part about what I do. Are you both telling me that though I have been solely responsible for the car since BD and continue to be the one to pay insurance on it and any repairs, that I should, when he has a tantrum, not use the car? Just give it to him? This means that I can't go anywhere with my kids, as even a 2 night trip from where I live is a $500 car rental.

I think I have actually done what you are saying about every other thing in our lives. I was thinking that now that he filed for D, we have to either have an agreement about the car or he has to buy my half and take over all the expenses.

I do feel like ANYTHING that comes up becomes just what Job is saying, like two kids pushing and pulling on a toy. Think about your 3-year old metaphor and the times when by mistake one finds oneself trying to pull that toy from the three-year old, but you can't do that with a grown man. In fact I get into this with S13, who looks like a grown man and is taller than me, when I have tried to take anything from him in the last year or two. I quickly realize it's pointless to rely on strength.

But yes, with my H, I quickly find myself in a push-pull that went from 0 to 2000 in five seconds flat. I haven't posted any of his e-mails here in a while but the ones I have been getting about the biz (that I never got paid for and have been in court over for two years and recently reinherited) have been bullying and vicious and insulting to the nth degree. But for that i did ask my lawyer, since I wasnt sure what I was legally bound to do or say, and she gave a three line totally non-engaging reply to send to him that would have made both of you proud.

Thanks, my friends, for being there for me. From the bottom of my heart!