[quote=DC421] We got into it again last night as she pulled me into an argument....and I couldn't bite my tounge. The whole time I'm seeing "LH19" flashing in my mind and your reminder how crucial of a point I'm at....but I (bleeping) dove right in. UGH.
Learning to control your emotions is difficult but crucial especially in situations like this. When you feel yourself losing control simply walk away.
Originally Posted by DC421
She kept givng me the excuses...and telling me she's trying...and I just let the word diarrea fly. Telling her she's full of it...trying means nothing...and "just go live with that moron. I'm sure you'll have a great life in his parents basement." blah blah blah. She just kept saying "I don't want too" when I told her to leave and have a nice life with him. I told her I had met with my attorney and I'm not afraid of divorce! God, I'm just such a sucker to get pulled into that. Again, ;the entire time I'm hearing all of you guys from here yelling at me!
You shouldn't being making these idol threats especially when you are not prepared to back them up it makes you look weak.
Originally Posted by DC421
I finally regrouped and walked away and went to bed. She stayed out of the bedroom. Just a massive fail...but it's so hard to stop myself at times.
Perfect move. Tonight move all her stuff in the other room and establish from this point forward you do not share a bed with a cheater.
Originally Posted by DC421
So hard...she's ruined so much joy and happiness and just destroyed so many memories with her selfishness. I guess I just need to look at it as a learning experience? DB like a monster in 2019...keep reading, keep learning, keep hoping....at least for a while. I meant what I said in an earlier post...I am looking forward to the new year. 2018 was the worst...as Clark Griswold said "worse. How can it get any worse?"
This is probably going to be the hardest thing you have ever gone through in your life. Unfortunately it is going to get worse before it gets better so I want you to start to prepare for it.
Originally Posted by DC421
LH and Over...I appreaciate your posts. Even with this massive fair...I'm trying...don't give up on me yet.
I am not going to give up on you. Part of my purpose and mission to try to help people on this board.
Originally Posted by DC421
One minute I want to believe her BS....then I come here and read the truth from those who have lived it. One minute I want to shower her with love....then I want to put her in my car and drive the OM house and say "good luck with THAT!"
It is natural to want to believe the woman you love. Unfortunately I have been on this board for 4 years and everything is so predictable I feel like Nostradamus sometimes.
Originally Posted by DC421
Yes...i know, i know i know....there is no "trying" to end the affair. All or nothing! I continue to really struggle when she throws out the "I'm trying" crap. I hear words from the page in my head..."validate", "tough love", "say nothing", "remain calm and be short with words"...I get stuck....until I unload way more that I should.
You don't want to over validate a wayward wife it can make you look weak and pathetic.
Originally Posted by DC421
As far as validating...I simply said "I'm sure it's hard on you". But I still don't know the correct response. As I said before, I don't feel I'm at a strong enough spot YET...to put down the ultimatum/boundary.
I would just simply say " I know it's hard. Sometimes life is really hard".
Originally Posted by DC421
But I am getting close to at least laying down some rules of an in home separation and keeping her out of the MBR. She is totally getting away with cake eating....and I keep stumbling and letting this continue.
I am going to give you my opinion. In house separation rarely works and it will put you into limbo that will suck the life out of you. I am also very leery of you trying to set ground rules for an in house separation because of the concern you will not be able to implement consequences for the rules being broken. What do you have in mind for ground rules?
