LBS dealing with WW (part 6)

[joejoe1]

Joe,

It's going to take time and patience. It's almost a year and a half and I still find it hard to trust my W sometimes. We still have trouble communicating sometimes, we have gotten a lot better, but it has been a lot of ups and downs getting to this point. The thing that got me was how I started to move on while I was DBing and once we started piecing I couldn't stop asking questions and being angry.

None of the anger or question after question session ever helped. What helped was me finding ways to move forward with my life while loving my W and while working on the M. What also helped was me being direct and open about my feelings without blaming my W.

For example. The A and thoughts of the OM makes me so mad. Instead of your affair and what you did with OM makes me so angry. The first statement is all about how I feel and not about what my W did to me.

Anothe example. I really want you to do call me when you are out because it makes you feel safe and that helps me with trust for our M. Instead of, when you go out you need to call me because I'm having a hard time trusting you. The first is about what you need and less about how you feel about her.

Time is your friend and open communication is your healer. Please find a MC that's works for you and your W. We found this one counselor is she is awesome. A good counselor will help translate you and your W emotions into words. Give adive to help strengthen you'll marriage.

Be patient, be patient. Another thing that helps is making new fun memories. Make new memories to give you and your W fresh conversation and memory pieces to talk about and build on. Do things around other healthy couples and find new events to go and explore together. Find new and fresh things to do together that you all didn't do before BD.

Onward and forward