TJT, you are a logical, feeling, intelligent woman. You know this is not a healing activity.
Please please consider this activity to be "out of your system", and don't revisit it. Don't even continue to revisit your own blogging here. I say this as an internet-friend. Consider it unearthed, mourned, and put away.
And please don't apologize to us, because it's not our job to scold you - just point you in a positive direction.
OW is indeed a "symptom". Of what, I can't say. No matter what it is that your H is experiencing - she is a symptom. Someone said something very helpful on this board that I read somewhere: the OW is getting the very worst of our spouses. We got several great years with them, but whatever insanity they are living right now - that's what the OW/OM gets.
Pathetic crumbs, and THEY are the ones eating it up. It may not help today, but hopefully it does at some point.
I know you have a lot of questions as to the why and how. We don't know. Just think of your H as ill. He is going through something major, and you can't heal him. Leave him be to search for his own medicine, and maybe he will find it someday. Hint: It lives inside him - not within someone else.
I hope you find something calming to do this evening. Something that is a comfort to you. A movie or a book? I know I've been watching WAY too much Harry Potter. Something so comforting about being transported to a different world!
