Husband left for the second time - 8

[PsySara]

My WH was actually living an entirely separate life (living every other week in a different state and acting like a single guy) when the BD happened. I think it was a highly compartmentalized situation, he was able to soothe himself that he was a "good husband and father" when he was home every other week. It worsened when he started working 3 weeks a month in another state and he was only seeing us 7 days a month. The irony was when he came and lived here full time he still lived this bizarre double life but broke it into small compartments. There was the NG doctor at work all day and then the aloof, selfish husband when he returned home. The mental gymnastics was stunning. When he actually saw and felt me truly detaching then it clicked. But before that moment I kept doing things and checking his reaction. Only when I decided to give up and move on did he sense the fundamental change. I made sure to talk to loved ones and friends that I knew were strong enough to bare my pain with me. I stopped waiting on him to comfort me.

Will your husband ever return? I have no idea. I seriously think when you mentally move on and start to look elsewhere for your happiness he will grasp harder. Your instinct will be to accept him back with open arms but I say don't, wait 6 months and observe for real changes before lowering your guard. I personally believe everyone has the capability of real change but it requires serious motivation. I had absolutely no desire to change my self, my personality, until I realized I may be single parenting and had to be a better person. My WH's affair and MLC(?) was definitely a wake-up call for me. I came to the realization I was depending on him to shore up my weaknesses during our marriage. Only when I realized his presence was not a guarantee did I change a lot of negative behaviors and thinking. When my WH saw these changes it kind of held a mirror in front of his face and he realized what he was doing. This convoluted response it to say yes, I do believe your husband can find his way back but it depends on his strength and honesty to self.