Brave Little Gerda, So Chilled She Could Not Speak

[Rita]

Hi, Job -- that is interesting, how you put it, and I can see that. I have basically not asked him for anything in five years so I am not used to it and will try to remember what you said; but what he is writing is not true. We live in a city with a massive and highly connected transit system, and he could get to work via mass transit the few days of the year that the kids are on holiday and I could take them to see family. He doesn't want to because his commute would be longer. He also took the car to leave for god knows where, but I am assuming a woman is involved since he keeps leaving, on the days he wasn't working.

He did not care that my kids would get no trips at all over the break and was not willing for a single work day to take the train to work (increasing his commute by 1/2 hour each way) so that we could travel somewhere.

He does not give me a penny from this job or any job for five years and he does not pay a penny for the car. I pay for everything myself.

This was the first time that I openly accepted his desire to D and split everything, and that I told him I had a lawyer. I left out the exchange from the day before, which was about his rage at me over what is happening with our old business and his desire to go in and sell things to have money. It is in litigation and i I am trying to find a tenant, but he does not understand that so he is directing all rage to me on that too and does not know that I am working 20 hours a week on that and on going back and forth to court, etc., all with no help and no childcare and my other six jobs at the same time.

I am not trying to sound like I am whining but this is the first time where I tried to be mature and say, okay, you want to split things, so let's come up with a way to split the car and stick to it. The other issue is that my son is so messed up emotionally that I often have to plan a trip very last minute, and sometimes I do or don't make if my son refuses-- literally I usually spend hours the morning of the trip with him raging around the house and refusing to go to the point that half the time I have to cancel, and the other half he finally agrees to go -- but this time he really wanted to go somewhere, so I had high hopes it would work out. My H doesn't face any of that though he has witnessed it in action, he just thinks I am indecisive about traveling, and I don't want the pressure of having to deal with both my son and my H about trips, it has been horribly stressful because literally every time I plan a trip, my H starts up with needing the car and harrasses me up until the hour we are supposed to leave about whether or not I will follow through on leaving. (You will notice in his note he says I only need it when he wants it, but this is the opposite of what actually happens! He NEVER used it all these years except when I said I was going away, he suddenly decided he needed it.)

So your suggestion seems smart as far as understanding MLC but I am not sure if it fits into this scenario based on everything I am explaining here. Do you still think that based on all this? What I offered after reading what he wrote was that I would get the car Fri-Sun when he doesn't work, as well as any holidays he has from his work. I would not actually use it all those times, but it would mean I wouldn't have to have a discussion, it would just be mine to use or to park at those times.

Not that it matters, since none of it worked anyway. You'll see on my last note I withdrew. I am just going to ask my L to include the car split in the pendente lite custody motion if she ever gets off her butt and files the dang thing.