Milestones of Moving On (?)

[TJT]

Man Target clothes are like the worst. They are shiny and all, but once you wash them they get all jankity.

Yes! I use "janky" but it's been a long time since I've seen someone say something close to that! Spot on.

Hey, you know what? Who cares about that others think. You filed for divorce because you deserve more than your H gave you, and he's not willing to change. Maybe one day! But that day is not today, or yesterday, or the past 6 months.

It's true. I did text the officiant who wed us last night; I want to have some kind of closure in that regard for myself, and let them know I didn't just give up on our M (and still haven't, really). He always said if we had trouble and wanted to talk we could engage him (which I did early on when H first BD'ed, before OW was known).

Basically I plan to disclose up front that I've decided to file for D but I want them (he and his wife) to know that I appreciate their support and if they would have any other advice I'm open to hearing it - but that I feel I have no choice, and did take my M seriously and that this action doesn't mean I'm not open to working on it if H were to express interest in that. I won't go into super detail because I'm not trying to do a smear campaign against H and seem like a crazy lady, OR like I'm trying to get them to convince my H on my behalf (I'm not) but I may offer up some broad facts in order to have the conversation.

Your D should be cut and dry. Once it's said and done you'll come out on top. It will be emotional but it's also very freeing.

It should be fairly simple as long as he keeps with our verbal agreement and doesn't fight me for other stuff.. and yes I hope it's freeing for sure. The house is the main thing, since he will need to sign a title transfer thing AND we will have to find the right language to use in the decree that says he is not financially responsible anymore. He has agreed to just doing that and NOT having him actually removed from the mortgage because I am unable to refinance (I qualify, but the house is so new it doesn't appraise appropriately at this point to meet the loan-to-value ratio the lenders require). I was told by a lender that if a divorce decree has that language, it won't count against him for future loans, so he was okay with it.

I'm not sure if that's fully true but to be honest that's not my problem at that point, and if anything he is still benefiting from being on the loan and me paying on time each month...and it saves me money by not having to refinance at a higher interest rate anyway.

Once you get out there and become TJT 2.0 you're going to see how much more you are worth, and you'll realize that you actually were ALWAYS worth more than you got from your H. It's going to work out for the best.

I've been thinking this lately myself. It's hard to see now when you're not getting that external validation, but I just have to keep faith. Thanks Joe.