Did you ever go to my friend's restaurant? I think you should talk to her about your feelings. She will have some sage Christian wisdom for you for sure. She always gets my head on straight, and not with the DB 2 x 4's but the Christ ones.
I think it is very normal and natural for you to have those feelings, and I think it is beautiful. One flesh ripped in two HURTS.
My catechist always tells me not to fear suffering. You will find God there. Of course you are suffering this time of year -- especially if you open yourself to the suffering of being around the family. Is it better to avoid them and be alone and deny the kids the chance to be with you both? NO! But it will hurt your heart to do the best thing for others. That's what God did too. It is wrong of your wife to ask you to watch the kids. It is wrong of her to leave you in the first place. It is wrong for her to lead her own life and to make you wonder who she is with by asking you to watch the kids while she is gone. It hurts you, of course. It can drive you mad with hurting. But you will find God in meeting that suffering with His help. Don't be afraid of it, go to it! God will help you there. He can't help you when you avoid suffering, only when you trust Him. First, be grateful for more time with your kids while she is gone. Thank god that it is you who is there and healthy and loving to be there for them. Then --Feel the wound, accept that it is real and it is not your fault or something you can control, and then ask God to heal it. And wait on Him, He will do it.
XO
Last edited by Gerda; 12/29/1802:07 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
