Emerging from my fog? (pain18 DB X)

[SoTorn]

Ugh...just got off a phone call with WW. She basically "understood" that I'm all business since I chose not to chat friendly anymore and I never acknowledged her after she sent me a pack list for D4's trip. So I asked what she needed me to do. And she just said a response would be nice. I told her that if she sends a list I would respond.

She thinks I am being rude and a jerk, which I validated. I told her that I will work on responding better when she does call or text me. She feels like we should have a schedule of communication if it works for me. I said that I always have responded when it comes to our child and finances and felt that a schedule was not necessary. If there is a problem, I let her know. She said back that she just want to know how D4's day was and stuff like that.

I strongly feel that she is losing me more daily, but she is also making me feel bad for being so distant and unresponsive.

I need to continue to enforce my boundaries, but when she does this crap I soften up (NGS most likely) and feel like an awful person.

She was crying in the background. I asked her if she was ok. She said no. She was still mad at me for not responding and worrying her when I did not pick up my phone or respond to my texts. She had a lot of vulgar names for me.

I know I cannot talk to her about why I am acting the way I am acting...but I feel like she is not getting it. Or that she is getting it, but is furiously trying to make me feel bad for the way I should be acting towards her.

I don't know if she is manipulating me or if those feelings are valid. I am doing my best to validate, but wow...I feel pretty bad right now.

She's either really good or I am still really weak.

Just validate and continue with your consistent behavior. Sandi has drilled that into my skull. Don't change up to meet something that she wants. I get the same "You never talk to me, you don't respond to my messages anymore". I just don't engage. I have already explained to my WW that I am not going to interact with her while she is in an A. We shouldn't have to explain ourselves over and over again.

Why does she need you to tell her how D4 is doing? Can't she ask D4? Your WW is temp checking you like mad, she is trying to manipulate you with her feelings regardless if they are valid or not. Just tell her "I understand that its frustrating, I am busy". Maybe something like that? That is how I responded. It is no longer a priority for us to respond instantaneously to WW every time they ring the bell.

I was always extremely responsive to my WW. Then she stopped being responsive because she was going out to dinner with OM while traveling and drinking and living it up while she was having an A and she keeps having the A! I remember the feeling I had wondering why my WW who used to always call me and talk to me was now avoiding me while she was out with another man. The anxiety she caused me, the hurt she caused me by moving forward with her desire to screw another man. So, even though it feels odd, I forced myself to not be available for WW. I just can't do it for my own sanity. Why would I make myself available to someone who did this to me and keeps doing it?