MLC husband

[Rita]

I have always felt the same. it was what he was doing to the kids that made it feel unforgivable.

My kids know I do not believe in divorce. They see me forgiving daily and I will never tell them that I think divorce is okay. On the other hand, I never told them about the OW. And I never told them I had cancer in year two of the MLC!

Your situation is moving very fast. My kids saw their dad change overnight but then stay for five years now though he disappeared most of the time from their daily lives. He only just filed this fall, it was like a 3rd or 4th BD for me. My H also keeps trying to explain his behavior by putting me down, which backfires and makes my kids panic, literally. Lately he keeps leaving town without telling them, but they are so used to him not being around, they often don't notice. I don't think my H even knows that they know he filed for D!

So I have found that it's better to be honest that he is in MLC and that their feelings that this is not normal are right and true, that it has nothing to do with them and not that much to do with me either. I remember as a child feeling not only horrible but also that maybe I was the crazy one. So it's important to validate their feelings.

I told them that I will always protect them and love them and told them that he loves them too but as a child of divorce I think it is very confusing for kids to be told their parent still loves them so much when it is quite obvious he is choosing to leave his family and is acting crazy. So I think it's a fine line. Just be sure that before you speak, you go into a closet or a church or a forest alone and ask for a clean heart and total forgiveness. I think if you do that first, you will know what to say.

XO