I really wanted to respond sooner but I had deadlines right up until Christmas Eve and then the last few days have been exhausting with Christmas and my daughter being home and all the activities.
I promise I will respond to each of your recent posts. I don't want to procrastinate but I know tonight I don't have the stamina to write everything that I want to say. I want to share a quick update though. On Christmas day my husband came in the morning and spent half the day here. He never asked to sleep here or anything so there was no issue. Yesterday he came for a little while to see our daughter and then today he watched her for three hours while I met a colleague. When I came back he left and our daughter said she asked him when he's going to come back and he told her today that he'll never, ever live with us again and he asked if she was upset about that. That really bothered me a lot. I called him and he said he's soon going to file for divorce. I told him our daughter is an innocent child and I don't want him to say those things to her or ask her if she's upset when he already has no plan to return. He made a lot of threats, tried to intimidate me, and kept saying "we can do this the smooth easy way or fight in court. It's your choice." It's as if he suddenly snapped back to being that terrible person he was last winter. He also says he's still moving to our area soon.
My only interpretation for my husband's behavior is that his behavior depends on how things are going with his girlfriend. I assume he and she are doing well so she's probably been pressuring him to get divorced or perhaps he has a new woman lined up and he wants to be totally free. Who knows. My other conclusion is that I really do believe there's an immigration scam aspect to our situation. I sponsored my him here from a war zone and while he didn't leave right after he got a green card or citizenship, he left once he had a residency and job and after his whole family was safely settled here. Basically he stayed until he no longer needed my help and then my daughter and I became a burden. That's my overall take on our situation - that yes there are a lot of similarities to other cases especially when it comes to cheating but the timing of everything leads me to believe this may have been planned intentionally. I assume he'll spend many years dating and enjoying his life and eventually he'll settle down with someone who he really wants, at a time when he's truly ready, and he'll probably be a decent husband at that time since he was a great one to me until he left the first time.
I honestly don't feel I have the strength to go through the divorce process at this time. I'm really run down from working, being a single parent, chores, activities, being sick, etc.. but I don't have any choice if he files now. I'm sad about everything, blaming myself for marrying a bad person and sad that the one I loved would do this to me and an innocent child. Even if he turned into a monster and I don't want this version of him, there'll always be the memories of our seemingly happy years together when we were young and had the whole future in front of us. One important thing to note is that sometimes we here on this site are simply grieving. We can be told to GAL or detach more and more but what we really need at times is just some sympathy and someone to listen. That's how I feel at the moment and that's what I sense about many of you too!
