TJT.... you are not "damaged". Your self image has taken a hit but make no mistake, the only damaged person in this scenario is your H. I think this experience has and will change you but not necessarily for the worse. Yes...like me, you have figured out that not everyone is trustworthy and that two people can be doing the same thing and be having very different experiences. Also that we cannot assume everyone else is like us. The things my H did, I could not even think of let alone do. But there were many, many signs that I ignored in order to preserve my ideal of him and of us. I am paying the price for that now. So...in the future, I will be more careful and I will pay attention to that little voice inside me that says something isn't quite right. I envy you in a lot of ways. I wish I could do my 30s over knowing what I know now. For the five years I was single during that time, I really had fun. Online dating was just starting to be a thing and I met some pretty interesting guys that way. Of course, that's also how I met my H so it was a mixed blessing. I can't forget, however, that he did give me the two most precious gifts one can ever give which are my two amazing children. And he is trying to do right by them now even though he let them down horribly in the past. I am thankful for that, at least.
What is that phrase? "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Man...did we ever learn that the hard way. In my sitch, because my H was so absent, I thought a lot about the future and our plans for when he was "better". I was so miserable in the present, I feel like I actually started living in the future. I think that is why this has been so devastating to me. Not gonna make that mistake again. The only plans I'm going to make are the ones that I can make happen without anyone else involved. At the end of the day, the only person you can truly count on is yourself. We have both learned that lesson the hard way.
Anyway...please, please, please do NOT let fear of the unknown dictate your life. You are so far ahead at 30 than most people your age. Drop the rope. Get excited about who/what might be waiting for you out there when you finallty do. I PROMISE you that if you do, you will be back on here in a year or two telling us all how happy you are and how you can't even believe you spent any time at all worrying about what your life without your H would look like. TJT...he is GONE. You are already living your life without him. Make it a GREAT one!!! (((TJT)))
