LBS dealing with WW (part 6)

[Joe2017]

I had the hardest time when my H started calling me by my name instead of "babe". I actually told him NOT to call me by my name because it was so ridiculous. So I like that you've said this and if I ever get the same opportunity I may steal it from your playbook. Within reason, of course. You are great at setting the boundaries, just make sure they don't become excessive as "punishment" which will further inhibit R2.

During our MR my XW was always annoyed by me using her first name. I’d say her name and she’d say mine back mockingly, and then she’d say it was weird. So after we got back together, and she started back with the ILY she’d use pet names like before, so I stopped her from doing it. She got kind of upset about it, and she wanted to know why I was stopping her. I asked her if she called anyone else “sweetie” after our D. That’s all I had to say for her to understand.

I get what you’re saying about not using my boundaries as punishment. I agree, but I also tend to feel like I cannot make this easy for her. She can’t just step back into my life and pick up where SHE left off. She agreed up front to my terms and conditions and she is earning back everything that I once gave her willingly. During our MR she was privileged and spoiled. I gave her everything she wanted. Not this time. She threw all of that away, and now she has to work for it. I think some people view this as me being an aggressive control freak, but I am doing this with a plan that is motivated by love. Love for myself, my son, and my XW. I’m not really a hard ass. I’m a big softie, and that’s part of what got me into this mess. I had NGS and she was a controller. Well, not anymore. Lol.