Whirlwind of Hurt 6

[SoTorn]

ST,

I was always bettering me for myself, but if I am being honest there was a voice in the back of my head driving me to do it for her as well. I guess you could say having an expectation. W moving out was in itself devastating. However, once she moved out, I set the tone and the house was more peaceful. My young children take about an hour to adjust to the tone once I have them. From then on its usually pretty smooth sailing as far as little ones go. What I also appreciate about W leaving is I am left alone to grieve and sort through my own emotions. It hurts and is a hard process, but I am working through it. You can see what really gets me going is my interactions with W or new info I learn that while I assumed was true I was basically in denial about. Looking at it from a birds eye view her interactions with me are basically veiled attempts to control me at some level. I easily resist them and outwardly appear unphased, but internally I get rocked. I think this is why detachment is so important.

I agree, it is very important. Detaching is for us, not for them. If I allow myself to get drawn back in at all I get very hurt very fast and I hit that roller coaster at mach 1. When I just live my life and ignore WW, I get along much better. I honestly feel like I am being rude to WW. I am not trying to be rude, I guess that is the attachment I have still. That I don't want to be rude to someone that is actively disrespecting me.

I am drawn to my WW. I want to talk with her and visit with her. I know she enjoys it. I find myself once in a while doing things like I used to, out of habit. For example, WW was at the fridge and I was trying to also get something from the fridge. WW backed up toward me and instinctively I put my hand out and put it on her waist from behind and squeezed gently. I immediately noticed what I was doing and stopped. WW didn't recoil, remove my hand or say anything at all.

I have to make an effort to not do things like that. I was always touching my WW constantly. WW would walk by and I would stop her and kiss her, hug her, smack her rear, rub her back, tickle her etc. Now I just avoid her. WW still will not look me in the eyes when she walks by me. If she speaks to me I look her in the eyes and she cannot retain eye contact for more than a few seconds before she looks away.