New thread- Newcomer pre-bomb drop

[Bern19]

Ok, well, got through Christmas... it was rough but ended well, spending time with the kids putting together stuff they got and just laughing and joking around. I spent the day after working in my bedroom, am trying to get organized Incase I need to move. The fact that our bedroom was ground zero for Christmas present hiding combined with the fact that our room is always a mess made it a good project for the day. I was purging lots of clothes that no longer fit due to my dramatic weight loss over the last year. I guess she wanted to keep an eye on me because she ended up coming in and started to organize her closet and dresser too. At first I left trying to keep some space, but realized she was keeping me from getting done what I wanted to do, so I ended up back in there. She tried to make small talk, so I didn’t ignore her, but kept it very short and to the point. Very unlike me by the way. I’ve been known to talk more than I listen.

Late last night as we were getting ready for bed she asked me if she should go to our MC session by herself today. I told her that was probably best. On one hand I’d like to be there as I’m certain she won’t be 100% truthful with our counselor. that won’t change if I’m there either, but at least I could call her out on her BS. But then I remembered I’m just trying to control something I have no control over. She’s either regretful and wants to find out what’s going on inside her brain, or she doesn’t. I can’t make her want to find out just like I can’t make her be remorseful or repentant.
So she’s going by herself.

Ay this point I’m committed to GAL and working my 180’s. I need to double down on detachment. I still struggle with not feeling like I’m being kind while doing it. I can feel the resentment building the more I think about how I’ve been cheated out of the last couple years while she was sneaking around with this scumbag. Then I start to realize maybe the OM isn’t the only scumbag in this situation. I now see how to use disgust as fuel for detachment. Just want to make sure it doesn’t openly come across that way.

I’ll update once/if she fills me in on her session...