13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So today, me and the kids woke up rather late. It has been a hectic couple of days with family gatherings, christmas and visiting friends. The kids are definitely on low battery, and need a couple of days with no plans.

We woke up, played some games, had a nice breakfast and cleaned the house. I handed over the kids at 12 o'clock midday, and now I have a week to do what I want to.

I started out with going to the driving range and get some practice in. Afterwards I went to visit some friends for a coffee and a chat. I left and went to the gym to clear my mind and get a good workout in.

I just returned home, kids have left to visit family with their mother, and I am about to hit a nice warm shower before capitulating on the couch with a movie.

I am feeling a bit split right now sitting here. Basically nothing has changed in regards to my former partner, I am absolutely done, and I didn't really feel like I had to fake it, to not care today when she came home - I just felt indifferent I guess. I do however struggle with this "handing over" the kids thing. I would really have loved to just have them for another week. At first I was like, "this will be tough", and "this will be really hard, having to do everything alone with them". However it just turned out to be the best thing I could imagine. I have so much quality time with them, and we are connecting on new levels. So I feel like I am loosing out, and yes, I know I need to live life for myself as well. I just got to figure it out, and get used to this new reality.

I am going to see a couple of movies during the next week in the cinema. I am going to play a round or two of golf with some friends if the weather allows it. I am going to visit an old friend of mine. I have an IC appointment tomorrow - my list of 180s (especially my NGS and self esteem issues are my priority - IC always asks whats bothering me, and we start out there). I am going to hunt for apartments and I also have a meeting with the bank, trying to work out something so I can move out if the right apartment shows up, and still be able to pay my part of the mortgage. Then I am also looking at new job opportunities. Yep, I am resetting my life.