You will know when you've had enough and need to move on. No one can tell you this. You are the one living this experience day in and day out. For those who are still married and/or separated, they come here asking the same questions, but find that if they can take each hour, each day as one day at a time, they can survive. They have been given the gift of time to re-explore what they want to do, they have time to complete those hobbies and tasks that have been put on the back burner for so long, they have time to look within and if they aren't happy w/something about themselves, they can begin fixing those issues and above all else...they learn to love themselves again. We are fixers and planners...and the one thing that I learned is that I can't fix everything and the planner was tossed out years ago. We learn not to sweat the small stuff and most importantly, we learn to laugh again and live our lives to the fullest.
As yet another well-meaning friend said to me this morning "you'll have to make a decision soon" when I told her how lost H seems. My response was "why? I'm not looking for a replacement. I'm moving on and am content with my life now. Why would I want to rush?". I remembered Job's words, and realize I'm really doing most of this, and it has been a gift. I've re-kindled wonderful friendships with 2 dear friends, have reached out to other woman and have realized that they are on their own journey's within their marriages and seem to really appreciate my desire for friendship. I'm enjoying activities, and through my re-found faith, am finding so much peace. I feel free of the anxiety of looking at H and wondering what he's thinking, planning, doing on his phone or the computer. I'm not there 100% as I still look at phone records from time-to time. But, GAL, letting go and letting God IS a gift. I am on God's timeline. I pray that I will continue to have the patience to let God do his work. It may take months, or a few years. But, for now I'm content to wait.
