I’ve toyed around with finding a LFMT around me covered by our insurance—just need to reach out and pull the trigger on that. I have Christmas Break to work with that, so I need to take advantage.
Do this. If your insurance covers this form of therapy, at least try. Mine does not cover ANY therapy unless I am actually diagnosed with something like depression. So take what you can get to see what helps most!
Originally Posted by Bo562
It would not be a shock to me at all if PPD is present here. But I can’t rescue her from it.
Forgive me if I've missed this since I haven't read all of your other threads yet - but have you asked her about whether she thinks she has PPD? Do you know if she's done any exploration or counseling specific to that as a potential issue for her?
I don't have kids of my own and while I know PPD is a very real thing, I also don't know how long it could last... but I would venture to say that there is a better chance of recovery with something like that than if it were something less clinical, like MLC. Just my optimism for you here, IF that turns out to be a factor.
I’ve seen LMFTs covered by our insurance, so I just need to do it. I’d prefer seeing a male therapist—I don’t want to get in to the risk of an EA / PA with an IC, which would be just about the worst possible solution to all this.
I’m not going to ask her about PPD. After YS (youngest son) was born, I picked up a flyer from our new family practice for an IC who specializes in PPD. I gave it to her and said something like “I know you already see someone, but I’ll give you this in case you need to consider it down the road.” She told me that she already sees someone, and the (very real) possibility that this IC may not be covered by our insurance. But it was the thought.
I’m not sure how long PPD (depends on the person), but my IC told me that hormones can do weird things to a person. He is D; his XW mentioned after their D that yeah it was the hormones from menopause. Between that and the various mental illnesses that abound, we are playing with forces we can barely understand, let alone control.
I’m also sure that the pregnancy hormones caused her to basically go off the deep end starting in February, when all this really hit the fan, including the comment about loving me enough to want to help take care of me. Even if ALL OF THIS is caused by hormones / PPD, how exactly would I be able to accept this when R’ing or piecing? “I really didn’t mean it, it was being pregnant.” But then again, in Oct., 1 month after YS was born, she claimed she thought she would be feeling better after giving birth...but she mentioned she wasn’t, and that’s when the possibility of a break / S began to enter her vocabulary. Could still be post-partum hormones / depression.
To one of your earlier points, I do trust my W, and I probably give her more rope in a lot of aspects than I should—with respect to her career, or putting up with way more from her than I should.
I mean, I should trust her, but I also believe that I shouldn’t be an idiot about things. I’m a HS religion teacher, and one things I talk with my students about is that as Christians, we should be people of peace, love and joy (I believe the quote is something like ‘be peaceful like doves, but wise as serpents’)—but that doesn’t mean that we should be stupid about the things of this world. I’m not going to go out of my way to look for signs of an A, but I’d have to see some serious red flags. I know she works in a male-dominated environment, whereas I work in a predominately female-dominated environment (at least 2/3rds or 3/4 of my colleagues and half of my students are women). I’m pretty sure that if either of us wanted to cheat, we could. I still come home to her, even when I come home to an empty bed because she is gone for work trips. I’ve talked about marriage and the importance of faithfulness—to be faithful, even when she is gone for work trips, or when someone else treats me better, or I click better with, or there is someone better-looking. Saying all that a couple of weeks ago during our Matrimony unit really hurt, but I tried to draw strength from it, too.
I’m probably among the last people to talk to you about GAL—I understand the need to treat yo-self and do some self-care, but the anxiety blanket, dogs, pizza rolls and ice cream can only help to a point. But you need to go out there and GAL (as do I)—you sound well-educated and thoughtful, and even though those qualities may be threatening to any number of men out there, I know that there also are a number of men out there who would love to be committed to you. You deserve much better (don’t we all)—just keep the balance with the pizza rolls and ice cream (turn yourself into the woman that your H wishes he could come back to), and remember GAL’ing is self-care, too.
