ahhh Pax, I feel so badly for you... As you know... I know this story all too well as I am sure many do. It is really hard to deal with.
Not to get all in to my story again but my dad was the same way. He is/was a hardcore alcoholic consuming a minimum of 5 drinks a day i'd guess. He was also a 'happy drunk'.. never belligerent. In fact, it was difficult to even tell he was drunk unless he asked me the same question a million times or his pupils were different sizes. I actually just realized the other day something. When he would come from work... he would always be a total d1ck. No affection towards my mom, or us kids. He would usually just immediately start cleaning something or comment that my mom didn't do something. So this is what I was shown growing up and what I learned (working on that!). Anyway, I realized that this was likely due to alcohol withdrawal during the day now.
Sorry for the hijack. My dad also has health issues and he definitely suffered from depression which made things worse. Alcohol effected every part of his life from his relationship with his kids, my mom, his friends, his job etc etc. I watched it and it drove me crazy. I talked to him about it, begged him to stop. But nothing. The guy even had a quadruple by-pass surgery. I told him how great now would be to quit since he hadn't had a drink in over a week but nope. Nothing we could do could stop it unfortunately. He had to hit rock bottom to want to stop. I think it happened when he lost most of his relationships but also his doctor sat him down and said he would be dead within six months if he didn't quit. I guess everyone's rock bottom is different. I know his doctor said that to him multiple times so I am not sure what was different this time.
I still don't completely understand what he was trying to escape from with the alcohol. I'll probably never know.
I do feel bad because I used to look at his alcohol use as purely a selfish act. I would ask why can't he just control it? Well... you know the story of my dad and now my perspective is totally different. It is a totally evil drug to quit and the physical dependence is just as intense as the mental dependence. Something I never realized.
Seems like you actually have a good mind set. Lots of people struggle with the detaching aspect. It is hard! Just curious, have you ever mentioned it to him? Would he be receptive to that? Or to your mom or siblings? Just wondering if ya'll talk about it. I kind of wish my family talked about it more... not sure that would have mattered one bit. I think the enabling part is also big. My whole family was guilty of that to different extents.
I wish I could give you some great advice to fix this, but unfortunately I don't think there is much you can do unless the person wants to quit.
