Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

Wow, I kinda didn't see this one coming. Perhaps given my less than standard happiness baseline lately I should have. Christmas for a while now has neither been great nor terrible. I don't typically get the "Christmas Blues" or anything but it's also not like it used to be - perhaps that's mostly what I think I'm feeling, but, this Christmas kinda stunk.

It started out interesting enough when I got a text out of the blue from, let's call her Swedish Goddess. LOL. I'm calling her that, not so much because she is, but she has a not too typical first name and when I mentioned this to a friend two years ago, my friend said, "oohh like a Swedish swimsuit model's name." So I went with it.

Swedish Goddess is a strange story in itself. Not sure if I've told it here or not, but four years ago this pretty, classy, well-dressed, thick - let's call her voluptuous - woman showed up in church by herself on Christmas Eve and needed a seat. Had I been a little bit quicker she could have sat next to me but ended up directly in front of me. We chatted just a tiny bit but when I left, for some reason I thought I'd look her up. Having such a unique name (I got it off her communion card), she was easy to find and I sent her a Facebook message. Back then, it was difficult at best to message someone you were not friends with. I never heard back - and didn't think I would. I just said something like "You sat one pew too far forward in church. Just Sayin. - Don't panic, a friend gave me your name. Have a Merry Christmas!"

Anyhow, never heard anything until just about two years later - which would also be two years ago - when out of the blue she saw the message and responded. We chatted a little but never met up. So here we are four years from then and two years later and what do you think happens? LOL Life, I swear. Yep, got another message from her saying she was going to be at church with her family Christmas Eve. She's now 44 (she was 40 when I first met her). We both were not sure we were looking at the right person but after our eyes met for a good long time, I got up and walked up to her. I sat and chatted with her prior to the service and then again a little bit afterwards. She said I could have sat with her and her family for the service, but I was leaving my family and I, don't know, it just felt a bit odd, so she said we'd meet up after the service. It was very busy with everyone leaving but we did hug and talk for a minute. We agreed we'd keep in touch. She does not regularly attend my church (but then again neither do I) although her parents are very involved.

Again, this was Christmas Eve. So on Christmas Day, my mom says, "Who were you talking with at church." Hmmmmmm, so how do I answer this to my 80 year old mother. I explained it and who she was including former neighbors of my SIL's parents - to which my dad says, "are you talking about" and names Swedish Goddess' father. "We go to breakfast with them all of the time, we've been friends with them for years, how do you know their daughter?" OMG, the things I get myself into. So I guess our family's have long been friends - although I had zero clue. I don't think she has either. I'm going to relay this info to her next time we talk.

So will I ask her out.... Hmmmmmmmmmm not sure. She's my type, looks-wise, but then again not. It would really come down to our connection which I didn't feel a huge one - but c'mon it was like 10 or 15 minutes chatting in church prior to Christmas Eve service so I'm not sure how much I'll have or feel. She was rather friendly, very nice smile, certainly nice family. She was D'd I think 7 or 8 years ago. No kids. No boyfriend that I can tell from social media. While if timing worked I'd ask her out, part of me would rather wait until after the cruise because even though Wild Girl and I are not likely to continue more than a FWB after it's done, I don't know for certain what will happen, but I do know there will be lots of Facebook pictures given all of my friends being along. I know we'll get posted and tagged even if I don't do it. And how would I explain Wild Girl to the Swedish Goddess? I think what I'll do is play it by ear. My thought is, after relaying our parents already hang out, that we should just go have some fun together see how it goes - and whatever happens happens. It's just interesting how, the meh feeling I've got with her is often the same meh feeling I get and have gotten with many others. I'll be pushing myself to ask her out - I can feel it. but with little exceptions, that's often the case. Does this all make sense or is this just me being quirky?

Okay, back to Christmas - re-meeting Swedish Goddess four years later really was the highlight. Went for dinner with just my parents this year as things were changed substantially. Then our traditional larger gathering starting in the afternoon on Christmas Day and going into the evening turned into a 10:30 "brunch" and everyone had to leave by 1:30. It didn't even feel like Christmas. One of my nieces is headed to New York City for a bowl game (she's in the marching band) and the other had to return a state away for two days of work - together and Thursday. So this forced the change.

Add to that, my mom is really showing her age. She will be 81 in a few weeks. Thankfully my dad is doing beyond great and is able to take care of her, but she is just barely able to get around and now we are seeing dementia signs just starting. I've noticed it a bit before but never really keyed in on it. I'm really seeing it now. She seems to have gone from a senior - to a really old gramma very quickly.

So I was back home by 2 PM on Christmas Day - about the time I'd be getting ready to leave. It's not like I didn't know although even what I did know kept getting pushed up. It was first going to be a noon start so they could be gone by 4 or 5. That later morphed into 10:30 AM and gone by 1:30. It made me think, what will it be like when my parents are gone? I will confess I was not hugely a big Christmas guy before either but now when I look back and the kids waking me up early Christmas morning and going to my Ex W's family and having people over and a Christmas tree, etc. it's like where did that life go? I'm so thankful I had it but now it's no longer here. Life keeps going so so so fast. While I'm still about 30 in my head and often act it (as some of you here well know) everything happening around me tells me life is going quickly and I'm not 30, I really am 55.

Oh and I think I've mentioned here how I've had several friends with lung cancer - a good friend died of it nearly a year ago after only 10 weeks. I was thinking of another long time friend, never smoked a single anything who had stage 4. I last saw her in October and she was still doing okay. I was thinking how now coming up on entering her 3rd year she really had beat the odds. I received word she died this morning. Wonderful, very fun lady, a couple years older than me. We met when I was 15 I think. Beautiful woman - very married. Sometimes life really is not fair.

Good Lord, now I'm depressing myself. LOL. Thankfully things will get busier for me now. Two gigs this weekend and then two gigs on NYE - one in the afternoon and one at night. Just found out our flights got changed for the cruise - as often happens. Same departure time just didn't connection city. It said 23 days until departure. Wow, 23 days until the cruise and whatever all that brings to my life. And no, I did not hear from Wild Girl over the holidays.