I also had a lot of codependency that I had to deal with. There is always some in a marriage, so don't get yourself down about it but it will be one of the obstacles you have to get over. I was lucky because I was able to lean on my kid to go out and do things with, but then I also had to try to make sure he didn't learn codependency from me too. It helps to GAL.
Also, the ILYBINILWY thing and the argument when I confronted my XW about everything and damn near made her go ahead with the words "I want a divorce"? Yeah. I know how that feels. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. He could have just as easily said NO I don't want a divorce!!!! You did not MAKE him say he wants a D. He was already wanting it. It hurts, it hurts bad. But it's not your fault. My ex told me I MADE her want a D. Bullsht. Like yours, our M was the longest relationship my XW had ever had. She still tossed it out.
Your flaws? Who cares, unless you're talking about being some kind of felon. Love is supposed to fill in the gaps and help you both overcome them, just like your love for your H fills in the gaps that he has. And being a stale boring wife in the bedroom? Really? If he never told you he wanted more, that's on him. Good sex involves communication and cooperation in both directions. I doubt you were boring.
Look, you're past the point of returning to what you had. Things will never be the same. You are not going to get that back. I am still dealing with my betrayal issues to this day, and they are a hard thing to handle while trying to recon with XW. It is crappy, but your M will not just go back to the way it was. One day, you will look back and realize that it wasn't what it COULD have been, anyways.
Maybe one day you will get another shot with your WH. Maybe not. But if you're anything like many of us here, if your WH comes back to you in a year, two years, or three... you may not even want him back. My XW and I are back together after a year, and it is HARD work. That thing I said about love filling in the gaps? It's true, but like you've probably read on here a few times, LOVE IS A CHOICE.
If you choose to file, remember that it's just a legal procedure with documents that say you are not bound to him anymore. You are a YOUNG woman. You have a ton of time to figure out life. There are many many many men out there who are everything you'd want, including faithful.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
